I had touched on the subject of young women's clothing in a previous post titled "Alone is Not A Dirty Word " but I feel compelled to elaborate on the subject, especially now that warm weather has arrived. There are so many aspects of this I can touch on, so bear with me while I try to cover everything I'm feeling.
First of all, we are talking about school dress codes. At the ripe old age of 42, when school is a distant memory, I still remember having a dress code. It pretty much covered the same dress codes we see so commonly now, with skirt and short lengths and straps, though because of the fashion of that time, there was no need for the policies about baring bellies or sagging pants. We still could not wear anything with logos advertising violence, alcohol, or drugs, or anything deemed offensive. It was not a shock to see someone try to push the rules and be asked to go home and change, or turn a tshirt inside out. Were we protesting? Maybe mentally, but no one was holding up signs for the world to see. Were we crying to our parents, and then they were standing up against school policy? NO. The administration, made up of ADULTS in our school put these policies in place, and then expected them to be followed. Just as policies against fighting, bullying, being loud or disruptive, and general codes of conduct were implemented, so was the dress code policy.
Did we attempt to bend the rules? Of course. We were TEENAGERS. Being a teenager was all about pushing our boundaries, expressing ourselves in the confusion of figuring out who we are, and just plain old rebelling. However, when an adult told us that we were clearly breaking a written rule that we had signed off on at the beginning of the school year, we backed off. We found our boundary. The limit had been reached.
This was all part of the valuable lesson of learning to respect authority. In this day and age, it seems to be encouraged to defy or question authority. There have been some positives, of course, to rebellious thinking, in which laws are changed, modified, or more freedoms are given. But where is the fine line in which we teach our kids that just because they WANT it, they can HAVE it? When do we step up and tell our children that though you may not agree, though you may feel repressed, there ARE rules you must follow?
This reminds me of my daughter in high school. Her junior year, she joined the Tom's No Shoes For a Day campaign, to raise awareness for children across the globe who do not own shoes. Granted, she may have done this as an act of rebellion in school, just to see if she could get away with not wearing shoes. I saw her read and learn about the movement, she owned a pair of Tom's, so I let her make that decision to not wear shoes that day. HOWEVER, I reminded her of the school dress code policy, and told her that even if shoes were not specifically stated, it was probably a health and safety issue, so she needed to have the expectation that administration would say something. I supported her in the campaign, but I also supported the school policy. So, when administration called to tell us they were giving her the choice to put shoes on or be sent home for the day, I left that choice to her. I did not ARGUE with administration, and I did not publicly blast the school over the internet.
What was the lesson for my daughter that day? There are rules in life. As adults, we live with them every day. From traffic rules, criminal laws, financial rules, to employment rules. And guess what? There are dress codes in nearly every form of employment you will find. Dress codes that range from safety, to health, to modesty, to just plain appropriateness. We may not like them, but we abide by them. Let me say that again...WE MAY NOT LIKE THEM, BUT WE ABIDE BY THEM. Why would we teach our children any different?
On another point, whenever posts regarding dress code or manner of dress appear, you hear so many people saying that the focus seems to be on females and not males. Actually, yes, I will agree with this. However, I don't believe that focus is for the reason so many seem to think it is. I've seen people throw out accusations that it's because we sexualize women, or it propagates a rape culture. I think it is far simpler than that. We focus on women's manner of dress because it's widely more available for women to bare their bodies in fashion. If men were commonly walking around in shorts cut off at their upper thigh, or wearing shirts that revealed a large portion of their chest, of course the focus would be on them as well. Are there not arguments out there to insist that young men pull up their pants and not bare their underwear while attending school? And while we're talking about young men "baring", how many meme's, photos, and jokes circulated the internet during the Olympics with pictures of male athletes in their swimwear or ski gear?
What this boils down to is we are visual creatures. Not just men, but women too. Humans are visual. Short of losing your eyesight, we seek and find what pleasures us. Advertisers know this. Pinterest absolutely knows this, or there would not be thousands of boards dedicated to pictures of what any one individual may find beautiful. On the flip side of this, it is absolutely human nature to have a reaction of disgust, embarrassment, or shock when viewing something our brain interprets as negative. And for so many people, viewing young women baring their bodies will evoke a negative response. Not because they are ashamed of the human body, but because they actually sense the desperation for attention based on the visual a person puts out.
Without completely repeating my previous post on this subject, I wonder what IS a young woman thinking when she puts on a short that bares as much as some underwear would? Why did she choose that short, instead of one 3, 4, or 6 inches longer? What is she thinking when she puts on the tight camisole that clearly shows her bra? Why that cami and not the one with a looser fit and no deep v-neck? Why the strapless dress that will result in the "3 minute yank" or the bodycon skirt designed for young 20 somethings that fits tighter than wrapping yourself in Saran Wrap? Whether the intention is there or not, it reeks of desperation for attention. Attention on looks, and attention on body.
As I have previously blogged, "Obviously, it starts at a young age, when girls aren't even sure why they want to feel pretty, but they understand they get more attention if they do. Just take a moment and look at some (thankfully not all) of the youth clothing lines. Designs copy the "older girls" with more fitted styles, lower waistbands, thinner fabrics. Some teen stores, that previously only carried juniors/teen sizing, are now marketing to the younger girls with smaller and smaller sizing, offering youth fits for the same clothing girls twice their age are wearing. But exactly what KIND of attention does this encourage? As they move into older styles, finding themselves to finally be able to wear the juniors clothing they've been eyeing every time they walk through a mall, exactly what message are they sending? Hemlines become shorter, straps on shirts and dresses disappear, heels become higher, and they start delving into the world of the "sexy look".
I'd LOVE to blame the manufacturers, but I can't. Manufacturers design and market according to demand. If all you see in every store is body-baring clothing for women, it is because there is a demand. If the consumer does not buy it, it will disappear.
And yes, it may be everywhere you look, but so is alot of other clothing. We're not talking a website designed specifically for fashion modeled after Little House On The Prairie either. Some of the most popular mainstream stores for teens and pre-teens have plenty of options that would fit any dress code, and not create such a frenzy in social media. Just a quick glance at Buckle.com, one of our most popular teen stores in our area, and I see plenty that would get you sent home from school, but an equal amount that would be just fine.
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| Just an example of the dozens of options in skirt lengths. |
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| These aren't even the longest shorts they offer. |
There are plenty of shorts within the fingertip range, in all the brands the teens seem to want so badly. Even their dresses offer plenty of options at the fingertip or knee length, or the ever so popular maxi skirt and dress. So, exactly, what are parents fighting for?
Does it not seem odd that parents are shouting from the rooftops that our young girls should be able to bare as much skin as they like? That we should change human nature, and how the brain works, because we've become a society that encourages sexualization? Well hello, mom and dads, just WHO is encouraging it?
YES, your child DOES bear responsibility in the reactions of others. Because like it or not, we, as visual humans, live in a society where our first judgements are based upon what we see. It happens when a plate of food arrives at our restaurant table that is arranged in such a way as to make it look the most appetizing. The advertisements with the beautiful backdrop displaying a product. The objects in our every day life that illicit a brain response of negative or positive. Of happy or sad. Of beauty or ugly. It is why we teach and read endless articles on dressing for a job interview. Because, yes, there IS such a thing as first impressions, and YES, like it or not, they matter.
So again, exactly what IS that first impression you want the world to have about your child?
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