Dear Dumbass,
July 30, 2009 at 6:48pm
Thank you so much for your patronage at 4:50 pm today. I was pleased to see
you patronized the local Dairy Queen for a chocolaty delicious treat prior to
visiting our store. I understand, in your quest to consume 8,000 calories prior
to 5:00 pm, why that precious wittle mess was so important to you. So
important, it would have been unthinkable for you to leave the dripping ice
cream blizzard fat thighs you were gobbling in the car for one unbearable
second. I can see, where in the ten minutes of shopping time you had, where it
would be of the utmost importance to have your synthetic, commercialized,
almost dinnertime snack with you wherever you go. Even if that means taking it
into a place of business, as you touch clothing you have no intention of
buying, fingering our merchandise with your sticky fingers. I completely
understand your need to teach your young daughter that life is all about you
and your wants, and damn the property of others. After all, we wouldn't want
you to miss one gooey bite of your treat, would we? I'm sure you do the same
walking into Macy's, American Eagle, or even your local grocery store. After
all, they are there to serve you, Ms. Ice Cream Highness. So tomorrow, Ms.
Dairy Queen brat, kick it up a notch. Order a pizza and start in on a slice,
and feel free to try on some clothes while munching, you nitwit. Just make sure
it's thin crust...we wouldn't want you to get any sauce on your chin.
With the utmost sincerity and respect for the important little world you live
in,
The Feeding Trough
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