Flashback: Going Postal

November 18, 2010 at 6:38pm

I think a person should be able to go postal at random.  Like you're allowed one postal moment a year.  Not physical violence per say, but a good ol' fashioned psychotic meltdown in which you can rant and act like a lunatic for say, a period of twenty minutes, and just get it out of your system.

I had a brilliant idea of shipping a liquid item, and wondered what the USPS guidelines are on such things.  I normally would  call my rinky dink post office, because I at least know the postmaster, and she's easy to talk to.  But because of its rinky-dinkyness, it is only open four hours a day, and it was not yet within that four hour window.  So, I called the next closest post office.  At least there, they have many people working, and any one of them should be able to answer my question.  I pick up the phone and dial....ring ring ring ring ring ring....after about ten annoying rings, a sound like a fax machine comes on.  What?  I look at the clock, thinking it can't be time for their extended ridiculous lunch hour yet.  I dial again....ring ring ring ring...after about 8 of those annoying rings, I finally get a live person.  "yes, could you tell me what the regulations are on shipping XXXXXX?"  I get a BIG sigh (the kind that makes you want to reach through the phone and throttle someone) and a "could you hang on a minute?" in a I-don't-like-my-job tone.  Except they obviously don't put people on hold, they just set the phone down while they go pee and make you think they are actually trying to answer your question.  She comes back to the phone "could you just call the 800 number?".  Why yes, you little twit, I CAN call the 800 number.  I can also get online and let them know it was JANE who answered the phone and acted like I was asking her to break all of her fingers at the first knuckle instead of asking a simple question that ANY person at the USPS should be able to answer.  Next time JANE, I will just bring in my packaged liquid product, ship the damn thing, and not tell you what is in it.  In fact, JANE, I doubt if you would notice (or give a shit) if I brought in a package that was TICKING and had skulls and crossbones taped all over it.  As long as I don't ask you a question that requires the use of your brain for more than ten seconds, I think I could just about ship whatever the hell I want without any concern for regulations or procedures.  TWIT.