I
Remember...
April 3, 2014 at 8:35pm
Ever have one of those days that
passes by in such a blur that you only remember fleeting glimpses of what you
encountered? Those days are becoming more frequent, which means the
"busy" season at work is arriving. And really, when I just
typed out "busy" season, I had a sudden fit of giggles and had to
stop typing. Why? Because saying "busy" season is like
saying there is an UNbusy season. OH HELL NO. Maybe I should
expand on the vocabulary. Because it's always busy. But there's
busy, then comes hectic, then comes bladder control problems season. I'll
explain that last one in a moment.
TODAY...
I remember...
Leaving money sitting out on the
counter from the coffee shop run, where anyone could have picked it up, because
I saw my boss with a crazed look in her eyes at the checkout trying to keep
up in the ten minutes I was gone to pick up said coffee treat.
My boss and I looking up at the
same moment, meeting each others eyes with the same crazed and glazed stare,
surrounded by four bins filled, two bins waiting for pricing, stacks on the
counter, and saying "IT'S COFFEE TIME". In which, I dropped
everything in my hands (don't even remember what it was), asked what she
wanted, same glazed look in her eyes like I had just asked her for a scientific
formula for bread pudding, having a sudden hysteria induced giggle fit, racing
to the register for coffee cash, and having one wild moment of thought of
taking the money and just running, but instead, racing to the coffee shop.
At least four other hysteria induced
giggle fits for absolutely no reason that I can remember other than it was a
hysteria inducing day.
The man buying a shirt, showing me
the rips in his current shirt from armpit to waist, whipping off said ripped
shirt, putting on new shirt, averting my eyes and suddenly finding our trash
can under the counter to be the most fascinating thing I've ever seen, his
request that I take his old shirt and throw it way, and my sudden overwhelming
revulsion at touching dirty, hairy man's shirt and mumbling something about the
outside garbage receptacle.
The customer at the checkout
spotting a cute shirt, deciding that since hairy man can whip it off, she can
too, stripping down to her tank top (much more attractive than hairy man), and
trying the shirt on right then and there because by then we had lost total
control of our dressing rooms and there could have been a 10 person orgy going
on in there and we would have never known it.
Someone later asking for the
dressing room and my hysterical laughter, again realizing that I had no idea
who, what, when, or where had been happening in that small 4x4 space. Proof
of this was the clothing we found in said dressing room, left by unknown
shopper that by power of deduction because our brains were now fortified with
caffeine, we figure out who it must have been.
Getting excited over a phone call
from a lovely, valued, exciting client that only comes with a load one to two
times a year but is the most awesome, gorgeous, stylish stuff you've ever
seen. Then, said client shows up and the piles on the counter grow and
grow, hangers being removed because they're really awesome hangers and she
wants them back, customers milling about that were probably wondering what the
hell was going on, and is it really like this all the time, and we're just
oohing and aahing as pile grows and grows until it's towering and then sliiiiiiiiding
in a slow slide off the counter because we're the insane hysteria induced
people who thought we could pile it that high. Then, getting it in bins,
and piles sliding off the counter AGAIN (while losing control of whats going on
in that damn dressing room) and me just looking up and saying "I hate my
life right now", then getting a grip on myself and getting it off the
floor and then COFFEE TIME!
Getting stuck on stupid things that
won't get out of your brain, like a conversation about that gloriously retro
Don Ho drinking glass and wishing there were more that lead to a conversation
with a customer about Wayne Newton's birthday and what was that song
again? The one he's so well known for? Thinking real hard and it's
driving you nuts and finally having that AHA moment (thank you COFFEE TIME) and
singing with the customer "Danke Schoen".
Thinking, again with a fit of
giggles, that these people constantly asking if we are hiring have NO
IDEA. Really. No idea in this entire universe what it's REALLY
like.
Realizing FINALLY, halfway through
all this madness that yes, that tingly feeling isn't JUST all that gorgeous
stuff that's been coming in all day. It's also the need to pee. And
snapping the head up, looking at the clock, and not remembering peeing AT ALL
that day since you've arrived to work. But you've had COFFEE
TIME....before work, during work that you brought from home, and then that
luscious afternoon coffee time that you nearly hold your breath for.
PEE. NOW. Must pee now, everyone get the hell out of my way BECAUSE
I NEED TO PEE.
Dear sweet relief of peeing.
"Busy" season my
ass. We've officially entered bladder control problem season.
Danke Schoen, darling, danke schoen.
Thank you for all the joy and pain.
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