Alone is Not a Dirty Word

After all, we are ALL alone in this world, when you get right down to it.  We may have partners, significant others, family, and friends.  But when it comes down to the very basics of life, we are in this ALONE.  Every action, thought, and decision is yours, and yours alone.  So why, tell me, is so much of life spent on the pursuit of not being alone?  Why do women demean and compromise the core of who they are, just so they can avoid that dreaded word of "alone"?

Where did this thought process that must be purged start?  It's prom season gals!  So of course, in the wanderings of the internet, I see what our young girls are wearing, or wanting to wear for prom.

OH MAH SWEET BABY CHEEZITS.

Plunging necklines, bare backs, cutouts grazing the belly button, dress cuts that don't allow for that infamous pre-prom meal, and slits up to the baby making machine.  What the everloving hell is going through these girls minds?  Well, keep reading, and allow me to give you my take on why Barbie is walking the street corner for a prom date this year.

Someone out there is convincing our girls that it's all about the surface.  I'd love to blame the media, but as a parent myself, I know very well how much control I have over the influence of the media.  Yes, it's shoved down everyone's throats with commercials about improving your looks, to reality shows about finding "the one".  What are we allowing society to teach young women?  I don't think it's as simple as the mass market money making machine of beauty and fashion.  That market has it's place, and can be quite the positive influence in a woman's life.  I know there are those who would scoff at such an idea, but I think the issue goes much, much deeper.

And that issue is....drumroll please....being "alone" is a fate worse than death.

Broad strokes, I know, but think about that a minute. 

Everything, from the makeup, anti-aging products, clothing, fitness, and health industry preys on a woman's desire to find and keep a man.  And how does it prey?  By playing upon the already existent weakness that "alone" is a dirty word.  Whether it's a product to help you look your "best" to keep the man you already have, or it's a reality show based upon lonely women gathering to compete for the attentions of a man that is worth having, it's all about that dreaded dirty word again...alone.

Obviously, it starts at a young age, when girls aren't even sure why they want to feel pretty, but they understand they get more attention if they do.  Just take a moment and look at some (thankfully not all) of the youth clothing lines.  Designs copy the "older girls" with more fitted styles, lower waistbands, thinner fabrics.   Some teen stores, that previously only carried juniors/teen sizing, are now marketing to the younger girls with smaller and smaller sizing, offering youth fits for the same clothing girls twice their age are wearing.   But exactly what KIND of attention does this encourage?  As they move into older styles, finding themselves to finally be able to wear the juniors clothing they've been eyeing every time they walk through a mall, exactly what message are they sending?  Hemlines become shorter, straps on shirts and dresses disappear, heels become higher, and they start delving into the world of the "sexy look".

Looking sexy.  LOOKING.  How warped the term "sexy" has become.  As a more "mature" mind, the definition of sexy is not about clothing.  May I repeat, shouting from the rooftops.  SEXY IS NOT ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK.   Most women of my age and older know this.  Why?  Because we're older.  Yes, I'm actually pulling that one out of my hat.  It's an age thing.  Sexy is a mental state.  A mental state that is for minds that have matured.  If you're 15, and you are using the word "sexy", you actually have no concept of the term.  It's not your fault, it's not a bad thing.  Your brain has not developed enough to actually know the WOMAN you will become at your core.  And the woman you will become has nothing to do with your relationship status, your ability to attract men, your ability to get a prom date and throw on a $400 dress that looks like trash.    Sexy is not about attraction, attention, or whether you sit home alone with your cat on a Saturday night.  It is a mental state that comes from confidence, self awareness, and the pursuit of your own happiness.

Girls, young women, and sadly, some adult women who still haven't found their core, it's time to stop advertising yourself.   As a clothes and makeup whore myself, I can tell you, it's a fine line.  But when you cross it, you know it.  When you put on clothes that make you stand a little straighter, you look in the mirror and feel like you can conquer the day without batting an eye...THAT is being a woman.  Because it's not really the clothes doing it, it's that sparkle in your eyes that says yes, these are my clothes, an extension of who I am inside, and I am POWERFUL.  However, most importantly, when you agonize over what to put on that day, looking for the just the right outfit to catch the attention of whoever obsesses your brain, you are doing yourself a disservice.  Yes, in your youth, that is what will get you that attention you are desperately seeking.  It is short lived attention.  It is surface attention.  Without depth.  Without meaning.  You will be required to compromise more than just the shirt your are wearing in order to keep that attention.  You will sacrifice yourself, your dignity, the CORE of who you are and who you will become.  That attention will feel good, make you think you have accomplished something in life because HEY, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  But again, alone is not a dirty word.

Alone is beautiful.  It is knowing who you are, what you stand for, loving yourself above all others, and knowing that you may share your world with others, but in the end, no matter what happens, you are ok.  Great in fact, because you have your best friend...yourself...to get you through it.

Know yourself first.  If only I could put that on a billboard in every county of every state.  JUST. KNOW. YOURSELF.  Know that the plunging necklines, short skirts, shorts with barely a leg, are nothing but surface dressing demanding, seeking, and desperately advertising that you are NOT ok to be alone.  There is nothing strong or empowering in baring as much as possible in order to seek the attention of others.  Find yourself first.  Figure out who you are when you are sitting at home alone with your cat on a Saturday night.  The style, beauty, fitness, being sexy as hell follows.  Do it in the right order.  You may still be alone, but when you do it in that order, you realize, it's actually ok.  Alone, is not the dirty word.