I have a confession. In my previous life, I was a coward. Ok, maybe only 30% coward, but I would catch myself having thoughts of "how could this affect my business or life" before speaking up. I would listen to someone say horrible things about others, or degrade something they didn't agree with, and I had moments when I would not say anything. That has lessened over the last few years, and I would choose to shut down the person before they could go any further with their negativity. But there would still be the occasional moments when my concern for my place of business or reputation would silence my voice.
Granted, sometimes it's better to be silent. Especially when you are the subject of the negativity or talk. I'm all for standing up for yourself, but in some situations, a person will be so intent on making you the bad guy in order to not take any accountability for themselves. Those eternal victim types don't warrant your defense, as they will always be looking for someone else to blame for their miserable existence. I stay silent with those, as I'm a huge believer that the constant failures and unhappiness they want to blame you for is its own form of karma.
HOWEVER, this physical move outside of my comfort zone has shown me that sometimes a comfort zone is where the cowards reside. Complacency is evil, and too many times people would rather witness something and talk about it later looking for justice, than stand up and speak out in the moment. And worst of all, are the people who will just witness and talk later for the sake of gossip.
After a full day outdoors in the sun yesterday, neither of us felt like cooking, and didn't really want to sit down anywhere requiring a long wait or looking presentable. So, in my gaudy ass Ugg slippers, tshirt and shorts, with that just out of the shower hair, I had the hot mess look perfected, and decided Panda Express was a good pick for something quick. We both know exactly what to get there that isn't too gross (if you've ever had Panda, you'll understand), and the longest wait we will have will be how many people are sitting in that drive through lane.
We went inside (me shuffling in those slippers), and the place was quite busy. No worries, it just gives us time to hang out for a few minutes before being shuffled through the line. About four minutes into the wait, a commotion occurred. Commotion? More like the screech of a blue jay warning others of predators. Except this particular blue jay WAS the predator. Yes, ladies and gents, I was in the presence of a KAREN, so my customer service brain immediately honed in on what she was screeching, because I couldn't resist finding out if she possibly had a reason to be upset. And that's when it all started to go downhill....
She was upset because in all the time she was at the counter ordering, ONE employee didn't smile at her.
Wait...WHAT? I am the type of person who can't hide their facial expressions, so I'm sure the one on my face in that moment only succeeded in deepening those WTF lines on my forehead. If you've ever been in a Panda Express, the place is an endless sea of activity. The line cooks are in plain sight rushing to make more food for us greedy pigs, while staff usually numbering anywhere from 6-8 are crammed shoulder to shoulder while hustling to scoop up whatever semi bland dish their customer has selected. Add in the Door Dash and GrubHub orders coming in, along with a drive through that always seems to have at least six cars in it, and you've got a pretty chaotic atmosphere. It's many times hard to hear when you're ordering, but at least in our particular location, they're efficient, and always hustling while being friendly to their customers.
Now, back to the KAREN. We had all (her included) been waiting quite awhile to place our orders. And because they're also dealing with drive through and delivery, it's a careful balance of waiting on a person at the counter and then the orders where people did not come in. So, that being said, EVERYONE was waiting the same amount of time. And as the screeching continued, I realized this woman spent that waiting time by focusing in on the facial expressions of the employees. In particular, focusing on whether or not they paid her any attention. You know, like Panda Express was her own personal social media, and dammit, whyyyyyyy isn't anyone liiiiiiiiiiking meeeeeeeeeee. So by the time she got to the register, her fury had been slowly building to the equivalent of Mt St Helens 30 seconds before she blew. AND BLOW SHE DID. She immediately laid into this cashier about his lack of a smile, and we're not talking about mixing in some humor with that, though I must say after 20 years in customer service it's annoying AS FUCK for someone to tell you the moment they see you that you need to smile. But I digress...she laid into this poor kid and it was NASTY. And not only was it nasty, it was LOUD. We were as far away from her as you could be in the place, and even with all the noise of the place, we could hear her clearly, which means everyone there could, including the multiple tables of parents with children. She countined this verbal tearing down even when another employee approached her trying to diffuse the situation, and it continued all the way to the corner she sat in, unfortunately, directly across from the cashier.
By the time we got to the register, it had settled down to quiet rumblings from the corner, UNTIL, my husband cracked a joke with the clearly upset kid ringing us up. When he made the mistake of smiling and a small laugh, she started in AGAIN, loudly berating that "NOW HE SMILES", going on and on in her Karen tone of that one horrible act of a smile. And at that moment....I HAD ENOUGH.
I turned around and just said, "Maam, could you PLEASE just shut the hell up so the rest of us can eat our food in peace?"
Well that devolved into an even louder and longer diatribe filled with her hurling personal insults, and even telling her she should watch her blood pressure (ok, that one was funny), didn't calm her little Karen nerves down. And after getting our drinks, we had to walk past this joy of the dining room, and she felt it necessary to make a point to flap her hands at me in a "talking" gesture while making some kind of yippity yap sound over and over. OH THE IRONY.
So, I did what I normally would never have done. I stopped directly in front of her, told her exactly what a colossal pain in the ass she was to society, and having the courtesy to the children in the dining room, made sure I bent down into her face to calmly and quietly tell her to make a trip to the restroom so she could bend over and remove the giant stick from her ass.
And that's when the meth head looking bar slut creature she had been with stepped in. I only describe her as such because she was the epitome of that loud mouthed, way too many drinks, and only gets louder the more she pours down her gullet type. We've all seen them, and we all avoid them. (Oh my lord, how she reminded me of my niece's mother). I wasn't about to give THAT the time of day, because that's the type that just will RELISH in the negative attention, but my husband thought otherwise, and keeping it quiet due to the children present, I didn't quite hear what he said, but I know it got her riled UP.
At that point, we walked away. And shortly after, the police showed up. And from across the dining room, we could see the ol' song and dance of "I didn't do anything wrong, they're all mean to me" happening as arms were waving, fingers were pointing at us and the staff. But you know what? WE finished our meals, while she and meth head were escorted out.
Some would say this type of thing just isn't worth the aggravation. But you know what's not worth the aggravation? The entire customer service industry being desperately short staffed because they're not willing to put up with this kind of shit anymore. OR even more so, watching an adult (by far and well into their golden years) verbally abuse a young adult just because she didn't like the look on his face. And that's exactly what that was....ABUSE. That kid could be having a terrible day, or even worse, have been in a deep depression that would take only one horrible person treating him like garbage to make him want to harm himself.
So, what did this all mean to me? Along with having felt better for saying something as an entire dining room of people just got more and more uncomfortable, it also made me realize that too often, we're just damn cowards, and people like that woman KNOW THIS. And it's exactly why they continue to treat others as less than. Until more people speak up when they see this behavior, it's just going to continue. And you know what? There's still a good chance this person will continue to berate and stamp her feet when she doesn't like something. But I didn't stand up and say something for HER to change or be any different. I know some people are beyond any help and will ALWAYS be the victim in their miserable existence. I did it for that kid at that register. HE needs to know that he's got someone in his corner, even if it's a complete stranger. And that not everyone will just stand by and allow poor behavior because they don't have the balls to say otherwise.
SPEAK UP. The world already has enough cowards. And if you're one who has acted this way? Or been the Karen in the situation? Yeah, pull the stick and shut the hell up. This particular slipper wearing, hot mess isn't going to put up with your shit anymore.
