Distracted Much?

Tonight is definitely a meditation night.  I typically do a smidge of quiet nothing time every night, but I think I may have to work harder at it this evening.

Not to sound like an ungrateful hag, but I'm on a roll today, even with everything trying to smack me back down.

My espresso maker died an agonizing death on Sunday, and after the brief panic attack, I calmly ordered another one and decided to get out that french press collecting dust while I wait for it to arrive.

Espresso is disgusting in a french press.  I suppose there are some out there who love those little contraptions, and if it were for coffee consumption, I suppose I could see the appeal.  However, this is not measly coffee, this is ESPRESSO.  And I take mine like tar that could be slapped on a roof.  I could add even more grinds to the french press to go for a darker brew, but I'm already throwing twice the amount in the glass than what goes in an espresso machine.  And it's such a boring cup of good morning.  I've considered just spooning the sludge out of the bottom and eating it like a bowl of Cream of Wheat, but I only have one more morning of this hell before the new machine arrives.  Plus, as finely as I grind my beans, I'm confident that now amount of tooth brushing could remove those little things from my teeth were I to actually get desperate enough to eat them.

The demise of the espresso machine also means there is not the travel cup filled for my morning at work.  I'm actually making coffee.  And drinking it.  I'm not big on coffee, having been an espresso whore for too long to remember.  Plus, coffee is much more acidic than espresso, and well, honestly, if you are not an espresso fiend, you just will NOT understand.

Blech

 

Despite forgetting my belt, and finding myself changing out of workout clothes at work with pants that can not go without a belt, I managed to muddle through the day.  I actually did not get alot of my chosen work done, since there's that little thing called clients and customers, but all in all, it was a good day.  Even with temperatures ranging in the 20's, after a day of 50's and windows open just 24 hours previously.  Even waking up to snow flurries.

Though cold weather normally makes me think of things like hibernating, it invigorated me today.  I arrived home and started chopping and dicing, cooking up a new recipe though I seem to be the only person living in this house this evening.  I cleaned a bit, did some laundry, enjoyed a new soup, and even took out the trash in the bitter wind.  I hate the thought of a large trash can next to the house, which means ours sits near our property line through the back yard.  Not acres, but a fair sized yard, and it seems even larger when you realize you still have flip flops sitting at the back door for those quick runs outside.  My toes are still frozen into little blocks of ice.

Perhaps that was a little jolt that seemed to wake me up even more.  Because even though it's nearing 8:00 pm, I'm considering cleaning out my closets.  Again.  It would be the 3rd time since I packed away summer things, but now that cold weather seems to be here to stay, I feel like I can let go of a few more things that probably won't get touched this year.

However, what I really need to be doing is reading the book for our Book Club this month.  Our meeting is next week and I have not touched it.  I suppose I will have to bargain with myself, as I seem to be more motivated when I offer myself a reward.   And this month, the reward is huge, because today, my new Stephen King book arrived and everything I've seen about it says scary, scary, scary.  But no, I can not pick up that divine little morsel until I get this club selection read.  Bad girl, do as you are told.

I had another random thought that since temps have plummeted and we're lucky to hit 30 degrees, it could be kind of fun to start getting the holiday and winter decorations out.  There are already icicles showing up outside, so why not have them draped over everything inside as well?  It did not help that I took advantage of warm weather yesterday and draped the outside of the house in pine garlands, wreaths, trees, bows, and ornaments.  Yes, yes, stop your foolish ranting about it being too early in November.  And I will try not to laugh when your fingers are going numb trying to put up one single strand of lights.  Since I don't cover my house in lights, inflated snowmen, or candy canes, it actually looks pretty appropriate for what feels like winter but is technically still fall.  Also, I had neighbors gossiping when I put up fall decorations in September (acting as if that was actually too early), so I figure this will really give them something to talk about.

Kiss my ass.

Along with the espresso maker deciding to take a shit on me, I reached for my hand lotion after washing up pots and pans tonight and felt like crying.  My little pot of Lush Handy Guguru is nearly empty.  I've doled that luscious little cream out sparingly, but alas, it is about to disappear on me.  A simple solution would be to order some more, but I've been trying to not purchase anything but necessities and holiday preparations and gifts.  Another moment of telling the too-soon-holiday whiners to shut up.  I'll be relaxing the weeks before Christmas while others are stressing out, so don't question my madness.  But, back to the Guguru...if you have never tried it, you have no idea what you are missing.  Best.  Lotion.  Ever.  And nearly gone.  I'm sad.

Crying.

 

Only for a brief moment, because my mind has already wandered off to closets and bins of Christmas decorations.

Shut up.

I need to meditate.

Om.

Ho Ho Ho

I'm playing Christmas music.  It's November 6th, and I AM PLAYING CHRISTMAS MUSIC.

The main purpose is to get my fingers typing more than the Jack Daniels did.  But also, it's beautiful music.  It's cold here, there's snow in the forecast, and I like ham more than turkey.

Yes, there's another holiday shoved in there called Turkey Lurkey Day, aka Thanksgiving.  For alot of households, that means eating like a glutton while gathered with family or friends.  It also means, for many, injecting caffeine straight into an artery to stay awake for doorbuster sales and shopping frenzies into the wee hours of the following morning.

I am not a fan of Black Friday shopping.  I went once, a very long time ago, when Black Friday was still actually on Friday and just meant getting out of bed at 5:00am to shop.  Now, with stores fighting to open during dinner hours on Thanksgiving day, I just shake my head in disgust and move on.

I see alot of outrage and rants on social media over Christmas appearing in the stores, advertisements, TV programming, and various other places.  True to spirit of social media, people climb up on a soapbox to scream to the rooftops, but that's about as far as it goes.

I work in a store that has Christmas items for sale from mid-July to December.  MID-JULY.  Middle of summer, with plenty of holidays prior to the season of Ho Ho Ho, but I can tell you it has given me a new perspective on this whole too-early Christmas thing.

First of all, retailers are in business to make money.  Kind of a DUH moment there, but it obviously needs to be said with all this whining that is going on.  Every square inch of a retail space is potential dollars earned.  And no retailer (unless they're just craptastic at their job and are running the business into the ground) will EVER waste space on merchandise that does not sell.

Let me repeat that again to make it very clear and in much simpler terms.

No store will waste space on Christmas merchandise if it does not sell.

And even more simply put, if the consumer is not buying it, the retailer will not stock it.

This means, when you see Christmas merchandise on the shelves on November 1st, people are buying it.  I know this from years of experience.  Years of selling Christmas items in July, even more in August, an increase in September, and oodles of it by October.  Our Christmas merchandise sales don't slow down until December.  And with the little amount of space we have, and massive amounts of merchandise coming through our doors, we are in  business to maximize our turnover at a very fast pace.  We would not waste the space if it was not a fantastic seller.  No retailer would.

If "blame" is to be placed, blame the consumer who cannot resist buying a snowman in August.  Blame the Christmas shopper trying to get decorating purchases out of the way as soon as Trick or Treating is finished.  But don't blame the retailer for doing their job.  They are providing the supply to meet the demand. 

The same goes for Black Friday.  I really dislike the greed involved with Black Friday shopping for very personal reasons.  I have only had two (I think, no more than 3) Thanksgiving dinners with my immediate family in the last 20 years.  Let me just emphasize that.  (and we'll be generous and go with 3)  THREE DINNERS IN 20 YEARS.  Yes, there have been Thanksgiving dinners nearly every year, but there's been an absence felt nearly every year.  I have an older brother that works for a major retailer.  I'll be nice and not call out this major retailer by name, but let's just say that their disgusting lineup for tickets to the hottest electronic item to ever hit the earth has inched back by hours over the years, and now it's on Thanksgiving Day, with many people lining up before a turkey is even put in the oven.  And even though this brother (and there's only three of us, so it's not like we don't notice a sibling is gone) is in management for this major retailer, and would normally never be standing at a register, he works every damn Black Friday.  In recent history (thinking back the last 10 years), he has made it home for Thanksgiving dinner ONCE, and we might as well have jumped ahead a holiday and called it a damn Christmas miracle.  You would think we could just move the dinner to the weekend, but oh hell no, the greed may start on Thanksgiving, but it pulls a marathon into the weekend and he can't get a day off to save his life until after New Years.  Thank god this corporate pig closes on Christmas Day, or we would be celebrating all our winter holiday's with him sometime around Memorial Day (though they do a huge Memorial Day sale too, I'm sure).

However, as much as I dislike Black Friday, I understand that once again, retailers are meeting demand.  Last year was the first year we saw more retailers joining the Thanksgiving Day trend, and it didn't bomb as it should have.  With all the outcries, a person would expect such a strategy to be a dismal failure.

But no, sales were just as successful as prior years.  People still lined up, probably still had crumbs of homemade rolls on their shirts, and pumpkin pie smears on their cheeks, but dammit, give me that $5 crock pot that's going to end up at Goodwill by April goddammit.

Again, should we be blaming retailers here, or the idgit slapping down the cash at 6PM Thanksgiving Day with a full belly?

In addition, the appearance of Christmas in the stores, or Black Friday shopping, or Christmas carols playing on a radio really have no bearing on Thanksgiving.  If Thanksgiving is important to you, then seeing all this tinsel or hearing Silent Night will not take away that experience.  You are still free to decorate your house in pilgrims, cornucopias, and turkeys made out of construction paper traced around a child's hand.  You can still spend two days cooking, put on some stretchy pants, and relax to the sounds of snoring and a football game.  You can CHOOSE to not participate in the greed of consumers everywhere.  Not everyone will resist, and THAT is why you see what you see, and hear what you hear.

I will put up my Christmas decorations soon.  We started hosting Christmas Day in our home a couple years ago, and I have found that getting the decorating done early allows me to enjoy the holiday more.  Christmas is my favorite holiday, because it is magical for me.  I refuse to let it be a stressful time, and I alleviate that potential for stress by decorating before Thanksgiving, having shopping completed by December 1st, everything wrapped and ready by the middle of December, and nothing but cooking and baking to do the week before the holiday. 

This does not negate the importance of Thanksgiving to me.  It is still a family holiday.  I still look forward to gathering for a meal.  I adore spending time with my family, because they are the most important people in my life.  Making early preparations for the following holiday does not take away from that.  No matter how much Christmas anything is shoved down my throat prior to Turkey Lurkey Day, it is still a wonderful holiday filled with love, because I CHOOSE to make it that way.  The external factors of greed are just that...external.  My brother, who I miss sitting at that family dinner table, knows we love and want him there, but also knows his employer has not ruined our holiday.  Because his employer does not dictate the love and bonds of our family.  They can steal as much of his time as they can get their hands on, but they do not win.

So, the next time you're walking through the store, looking for a tube of Chapstick because those winter winds have already started, and you see that Christmas tree, you have a choice.  Shrug and move on, stop and enjoy, but for the sake of all that is holy, don't let it bring you down.  It really isn't THAT important in the grand scheme of things.

Buy some chocolate and enjoy.  After all, along with that Christmas tree, there's a better selection of chocolates in the stores too.

Celebrate

Daylight Savings Time my ass.  Fall back, gain an hour of sleep, blah blah blah.  Spring doesn't get to me, but this falling back an hour messed up my sleep schedule.  It wasn't the extra shots of espresso, or the random craving for a Coke at 8 last night.  It was the damn time change, and that's the story I'm going to stick with.

That being said, you would think four hours of broken sleep would have me walking around in a daze and incredibly cranky.  And it very well could have, but in one of those moments of staring off into the dark last night, I decided Monday morning would include walking.

I've taken up walking at the rec center on work mornings to get an extra oomph factor going in my day.  Typically, with Monday being my day off, and a gathering for coffee at the local coffee shop early in the morning, I would skip the walking.  But, bleary eyed and not feeling the espresso I already had at home, I hauled my ass to the rec center and walked without a partner and just a very bouncy playlist going in the earbuds.

The day is significant...it is the 4th anniversary of my grandmother's death.  I still think of her daily, and feel her influence on my life.  Her death was one of the most precious moments in my life.  How many people can call the passing of a loved one such a thing?  I got the privilege of being at her bedside for the last three days of her life.  Surrounded by family, supporting each other, laughter and tears, and quietly saying goodbye as she took her last breath.  It gave me something no other life experience has.  Along with all the lessons this courageous, independent, devoted woman taught me in her gentle ways, I was able to give back by being at her side in her last moments on earth.  It was beautiful.  It was precious.  It was worth celebrating.

Yes, celebrating. 

Though I grieved, I rejoiced at having had such a special woman in my life.  I choose to honor her in living the fullest life I can.  I embrace the fiercely independent, stubborn, wild streak in me, because I know she lived the same.  I grab each day by the balls and try to squeeze the everloving hell out of it, because in doing so, I represent her legacy. 

In her death, I learned to celebrate life.  I dance randomly.  I get silly.  I laugh.  I have stopped taking this very short time on earth so seriously, and learned how to cherish it without feeling the heavy burdens our own brains can put on living.

I miss you, Grandma.  And I thank you, for making me a better and more authentic ME.