No, not unicorns that sit on my dash, big eyes glittering, understanding every word I mutter under my breath.
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| My Charlie buddy |
The exodus of the kitten pile started eight years ago. I was on a social networking site for moms and one day decided to randomly join some groups designated for debating. At that time, I enjoyed a lively discussion over differing viewpoints, and thought I might meet some pretty cool cats along the way.
I had no idea.
As is the way of the woman, things would get bitchy. Catty, if you will. Gather any large numbers of estrogen, and you're going to see the claws come out. Occasionally, the cray cray made an appearance, and you'd be left sitting at your computer thankful there was hundreds if not thousands of miles separating you from some of these people. As dominant personalities emerged, so did the loonies. So much so, that after nearly a year, things reached a peak of crazy-dom, and it was decided that several of us needed to go find out own safe corner of the site.
We called ourselves kittens, perhaps because of my own love of fuzzy little furballs, but also with the belief that even fuzzy little furballs have claws that can easily draw blood. The exodus of women from the crazy group imploding was astronomical. Obviously, I wasn't the only one tired of trying to guess when the next toddler tantrum would rear its ugly head.
This happened in late 2007, and by early 2008, we were debating everything from parenting options, local and world events, to politics. And with politics, came the 2008 elections.
I pause for a moment...remembering. Those '08 elections. Damn. The only time in my life I truly got passionate, and yes, a tad crazy, over a presidential race. And boy, did that kind of crazy come out in all kinds of ways in our group that year. In between the forming friendships, there were some really heated discussions. Occasionally, discussions that involved hurling insults, name calling, and fire breathing radical views. I know those '08 elections sent alot of people into hiding who did not come out until the dust had settled, if they returned at all.
Looking back, I don't blame them. It was pure lunacy for several months in there. But when the dust settled, many of us licking our wounds, we settled back into lighthearted debate and asking for advice. Some wounds may have never healed, some friendships shifted, some strengthened. What also seemed to happen is so many of us started losing the desire to debate with each other. The same happened for me when a personal crisis happened shortly after the elections were over. I no longer needed to discuss what was going on at that time in the world, but I sure as hell needed friends to lean on.
And that's exactly what I got.
We all eventually left that mom's site, or merely stuck around for other groups we participated in. But the kittens had found each other on Facebook, and suddenly, life was no longer about debating. It was about the very real friendships that seemed to have come out of a site that catered to the sanctimommies of the world.
Several years on Facebook, and a group of women that numbered in the hundreds, has now whittled down to a circle of 25. There are still other kittens who we've kept in touch with and still keep up to date with on Facebook. But those 25. Damn...it's like the inner circle that can not be broken. Not in the sense of some kind of clique or club, but in the most genuine, precious friendships that can possibly exist. Through the years, we have shared births, deaths, illness, marriage, divorce, family issues, relationship issues, and every happiness and joy we needed to immediately share and shout from the rooftops. We know the personal, intimate details of each other's lives. We laugh, cry, celebrate, feel pain, feel joy. We are the soft place to land when life kicks us in the teeth. We are the hug (even if it's virtual) that you need at the end of a very difficult day. We have already seen each other at our worst, we have fought, we have hurt.
But we love.
We love each other fiercely. Without demands. Without an expected return. We are individuals, from all walks of life. All ages. All different stages of life. We come from different backgrounds, economics, and religions. We are vastly different, and had we all lived in the same town, it is likely we would not have formed the friendship we have by learning about each other online. A couple of us weren't even part of the debating groups, yet they feel as if they have always been there with us from the beginning. We support each other in every way possible, and in some pretty amazing ways, considering we are scattered across this country.
Occasionally, the planets align perfectly so that we may finally "meet" one of our invisible friends. And when that happens, it is MAGIC. There are the initial butterflies, which could easily be mistaken for nervousness or anxiety. The initial thoughts of wondering if it will be the same in person as it is online. But as we've occasionally gotten opportunities to meet, we've all begun to realize that the butterflies weren't nerves...it was anticipation, and sheer joy. Because after the initial squeal of delight and hug, it is like we have returned home from a very long trip away. The conversation picks up wherever it last let off with an ease that can not be forced. And parting from a visit is a mix of gratitude for the time together, and tears at having to leave. There is an easiness to time with each others spouses and children, as we have experienced the relationships together, and watched the children grow. We are family.
Through all the friendships in life, I had no clue that friendship could be this. To love other women so passionately. To see, through the years, the better person we become by being loved. To know that I could hop in my car, knock on a door unexpectedly, and have a shoulder to lean on. That at any hour of the day, I've got a circle of amazing women who have my back, who will be my strength, who are my joy. Who actually enjoy hearing the mundane and routine of my day, as much as I enjoy hearing theirs.
Invisible friends. If you don't have one...get one. It is precious beyond anything you can imagine.
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