If I Lick It, It's Mine

I don't think I can really put into words the exhaustion and frenzied whirlwind that the last week has been.  I CAN, however, talk about a single purse, and the shining beacon of hope it was in an otherwise black pit of despair.

Gee, dramatic much?

We got the store prepared for our new season after long hours of espresso consumption, and found we had a day off in the middle of the mayhem.  So, going with the lunacy we already had coursing through our veins, we decided that the best way to spend that time off would be to all go shopping together.  The four of us headed to the big city, and proceeded to nearly fall over in sticker shock as we were reminded how much things really cost in comparison to the store we just completely recreated back at home.  The day was filled with craziness, which could have been the total exhaustion we were all feeling, or getting all four of us in the confines of a car.  Much shopping was done, as we gleefully hit clearance racks, and we managed, somehow, not to get booted from any stores for our antics.

In the mayhem of restocking the store, I had been in charge of organizing the purses, and once again, mourned my inability to find the perfect brown leather purse.  This has been an ongoing saga in my life for the last couple years.  I had started spending a little more money on my purses, thinking that would keep my purse acquisitions down to a minimum, but the perfect brown purse was eluding me.  I had a black one that I loved, a summer purse with some pink on it, and then a small handful of "so so" purses I had picked up cheap in order to avoid thinking about the now legendary brown leather purse I didn't yet own.

As we were shopping, I made sure to check out purses wherever we went.  I didn't have too much to pick from, as most places we were frequenting had faux poly nightmares that did not even begin to touch that brown leather purse itch.

By the time we got to TJMaxx, I was determined.  Out of all the stores we had been in, surely the glorious TJMaxx would be able to supply me with the dream purse.  As the others made their way into the store, I hit a beeline straight for the purses and started perusing.  Contrary to how I normally shop, I avoided looking at brands or price tags and merely just viewed the purses for anything that caught my eye.  About halfway in to my viewings, the smell of leather hit my brain.  I began sniffing the air, wondering which of these beauties could be delighting me with their aroma.  And then...THERE...like a glorious little star in the sky, I see this perfectly shaped purse.  I grab it quickly, hoping no one has spotted it's beauty but me.  Yes, I nod to myself, it has the perfect handles, with options for both arm carrying and a shoulder strap.  I gaze inside, seeing inside pockets, feel the leather and nearly faint at the softness.  Now the ultimate test of purse selection...I bring it to my nose and sniff.  Ooooooooooh.  Yes, it's is leather.  I caress it across my cheek and sigh in contentment.  This is it.  I have found THE brown leather purse.  In my excitement, the little pieces of shiny hardware and logos all over the lining have escaped me, and I stupidly begin to the think I may be owning this purse.  I grab the tag, expecting a 70-80$ tag and SHRIEK when I see $229.  I exclaim out loud "what the fuck is this????" and then see the brand.  It's a Michael Kors purse.  REALLY?  Out of ALL the numerous purses in TJMaxx, I manage to fall head over heels for the most expensive one???  And aren't all their MK purses normally covered in logos so it's easy to skip over them?

Whyyyyyyyyyy?  I begin to wail, doing a pretty damn good imitation of Nancy Kerrigan on the floor, clutching the purse to my chest and rocking back and forth.  The tears flow freely, but of course, not ON the glorious, perfect purse.  Oh no, there's still a rational part of my brain that protects my precious.

I move on, grumbling.  Now, my TJMaxx experience is not as glorious as it could be.  I'm downtrodden, shuffling through the store with my head hung low.  Could be that my feet were hurting by this time from too many hours on my feet once again, but no, I believe it was the homeless purse tugging at my heartstrings.

I meet up with my comrades and tell them all about THE purse.  It's not just a pretty purse.  It is THE purse.  I feel it in my bones.  All other brown leather purses will now be compared to this one.

Fortunately, by the time I'm home, I'm too exhausted to do more than describe THE purse to my daughter, and then go to bed and pass out.

The next morning, I decide to take a chance and see if THE purse is on eBay.  And, lo and behold, like a sign from gods, it shows up as the 5th listing.  I nearly piss myself in excitement when I see the $130 price tag.  I do a mental dance of "should I-shouldn't I" until I see the flashing red numbers counting down.  30...29...28...27...  The auction is ENDING!  My fingers fumble, trying to get signed in and once again, am left forever scarred over not having THE purse.  Now I at least have the style name of the purse, and start doing searches all over the internet looking for it.  Nope, nada.  The remaining ones listed on eBay are going for nearly $300.  Every other store I find is saying "out of stock".

I have to get back to work, and the purse is never far from my mind.  As I put the final touches on displays and take a look around the store before we let the lineup of people in, I am again reminded that not a single one of the 200 purses I have seen in there are even coming close to the THE purse.  I am able to push back the despair once again as I get sucked into the whirlwind that is also known as one of our reopening events.

That evening, my head is filled with THE purse.  No, really, it is.  Even sinking into bed in total exhaustion, and the only dreams I remember are dreams of THE purse.  Dreams that were filled with other people buying it in front of me while I stood helplessly by.

This is becoming insane.  As if it already wasn't.

Friday morning, and I text my husband that the purse has now invaded my dreams.  He keeps telling me to buy it.  I keep thinking how insanely expensive it is.  I search eBay again, only to have even higher prices slapping me across the face.  I google TJMaxx and see the closing time of 10PM, and briefly consider going there after work.  But I'm already bone tired, and the work day has not even begun.  I ask my friends online what they think, and get a chorus of "go for it", including a meme saying "if I lick it, it's mine".  I briefly recall salivating over the purse while I had my head stuck inside it, and then rationalize, YES, it IS mine.

The sick feeling begins to form in the pit of my stomach.  It's TJMaxx.  I was there Wednesday.  It's now Friday.  I can't even think about driving there until the end of the work day at 5:00.  Will it be there?  It was the only one, and being a TJMaxx pro, I know things disappear from there quickly.

Fortunately, the day goes by in a blur.  A blur of complete insanity, where it's so busy, I forget to pee.  I forget my own name.  I almost forget the purse.  As 5:00 nears, in walks one of our clients, who has a truckload parked out front.  I'm already beyond exhausted, but we get her unloaded, she looks at the time, and says "I've got more, I'm running home and will be right back".  Meanwhile, her stuff is scattered all over the store.  I start putting stuff away in bins, she shows up with the next load, piles get higher, we feel the hysteria setting in.  I look at the clock, see it's 5:00, and know that the dreams of hopping over to TJMaxx 40 miles away are going to have to wait.  I continue packing her items away in our storage bins, come across some purses, smell the leather wafting up from the pile, and yes, right there, is a Michael Kors purse and wallet.  It's far too small for my needs, and it's black, not brown, but it's like yet another reminder of THE purse. 

6:00 rolls around and we all agree that this is just too much...the day has been hellacious, the majority of the mess is put away, to hell with getting anything else done, and FINALLY.  I am out the door.  I hit the road, in a daze, and throw on some loud music to keep myself alert for the drive to TJMaxx.  I see the angry looking clouds, and wonder if THE purse is worth driving through a tornado for.  Why yes, it is.

As I finally pull in to town, "Under Pressure" by Queen comes across the speakers, and the sick pit in my stomach is reminding me that I may be going through all this to find out THE purse is gone and in the hands of someone else.

I try not to limp too much rushing into the store.  Not only are my feet screaming at me from being on them all day, but I had also dropped a large frame across my toes, and I'm fairly sure I may have broken it.  I'm hobbling, and it's an eager hobble, and I can only imagine what it must look like with me shuffling into the purses.

THERE it is is.  Next to other Michael Kors leather purses they must have just put out.  I briefly wonder if I like the others more (they are, in fact, slightly cheaper) and then the angels singing overpowers that thought process and I grab THE purse.  I hug it.  I welcome it home.  I don't even flinch much when I get the total and pay.  I take it to the car, and consider buckling it into the front seat so it stays safe.

I briefly consider that I am truly, totally, insane.  But then I look at IT.  MINE.  Forever.

I sigh in contentment, and say goodbye to purse shopping.  I have three perfect purses.  The purse door is officially closed.