Anti-Baby Or Perpetuating Mommy Wars?

I read a blog post today that urged me to type like a maniac.  I love that kind, because I frequently find myself not wanting to take the time to spill more than a brief thought onto the Internet. 

The posting deals with the author's thoughts on what appears to be an "anti-child" movement.  More on that later, as I have a million thoughts racing in my head to nearly everything posted, and will work my way through them from the beginning of the post, to end.

If you didn't see the glaring highlighters linking you to the original post, it can be found HERE.

The blogger's thoughts were in response to comments made on an article about a mother and daughter both giving birth on the same day, in the same hospital.  It seems there were plenty of negative comments. I can't say I'm shocked.  Not because of the content of the article, but because it's a comments section on the Internet.  Give a Debbie Downer a keyboard, and they'll go to town on anything that spurns any type of reaction in them.  Hell, I've seen nasty comments on everything from rescue stories, to weather reports.  Even the happiest of feel good postings can end up with some person mired in their own shit trying to spread their poo poo on everyone's parade.

Like the saying goes, "Opinions are like assholes...everyone's got one.".

So I suppose my first point would be to skim comments, if you're going to read them at all. 

That being said, occasionally, the comments people make can certainly inspire us to speak our own thoughts on a matter.  Nothing wrong with that, and I think healthy discussion on differing viewpoints is one of the greater things about Internetland.

However, the blogger admits she's going out on a limb, and assuming all the women responding negatively probably consider themselves pro-choice.

CRINGE #1

Assumptions make me cringe.  Cringe in a big way.   That's not just going out on a limb, that's jumping the Grand Canyon with a bicycle.  Especially considering we're talking about comments made on an Internet article.    I've blogged before about the Internet giving everyone a voice, and with that, comes the negative of many times seeing something you just do not agree with on any level.  But we certainly should not assume to know exactly what category to box that commenter in.  One comment on a post absolutely does not dictate their beliefs, give an all-encompassing label, or designate a politcial, moral, or spiritual view unless the poster specifically states as much within that comment.  Slapping a label of any kind on a person instantly puts them in a rigid category that does not allow for understanding, or encourage discussion.  It is isolating, and puts up a wall in our own minds from being open to other people.  That's not to say we have to agree, but we also don't have to create divides by categorizing what we don't agree with, or understand.  It instantly shuts down an opportunity for growth within ourselves.  Pretty much in the same way the naysayers have themselves by making the negative comments in the first place.

"Sadly, the majority of self-proclaimed feminists I've run across tout sexual freedom but condemn pregnancy and motherhood."

CRINGE #2

Again, another assumption, based upon our own personal experiences.  A habit I myself, have had a hard time correcting.  But the world is a big place.  A really big place.  And we all have our own little corner of it, that if we are to be the best person we can possibly be, needs to expand beyond our tiny, minute little space.  And short of everyone wearing a tshirt with every label that applies to them, we cannot possibly know what the majority is.  How many self proclaimed feminists have you actually run across?  I would hope the number would be a giant "I don't know" since I don't know anyone with it tattooed across their forehead.  Yes, people blog, write articles, have public discussion, but that does not even begin to encompass the hundreds, thousands, or even millions of people who could perhaps identify themselves with the same ideology.    And we're certainly not going to be bringing these types of things up in normal conversation.  I'm not going to instantly ask someone if they identify as a (insert label here) while having a discussion of any type with them.  I won't be filing that information away in my brain so I can then later assume I know how people think when I hear that particular label brought up.  I won't develop an all-encompassing picture of a feminist based upon my experience in my own world.  

Are there feminists with this viewpoint?  I'm sure there are.  I'm also sure there are many who are not.  Condemning pregnancy and motherhood is a pretty broad stroke, and quite frankly, were someone to actually hold motherhood or pregnancy in such ill regard, I'd be thankful they were not reproducing.

"Many of the younger generation of feminists proclaim pregnancy and birth to be gross, disgusting, and "stupid". "

CRINGE #3

Well, when you get to the actual physics of it, pregnancy and birth CAN be pretty damn gross.  Pooping is gross too, but we've gotta do it.  And once you're incubating spawn, they kind of have to come out at some point, and it can be messy.  Disgusting and stupid?  That's a bit much, but if someone feels that way, it's probably best they don't get pregnant then, since your opinion on the matter pretty much goes out the door once you decide to have a child.  I wouldn't call that kind of viewpoint as "feminist" in the least, even if they want to label themselves as much.  And younger generation is pretty much equaling immature in this context, especially when throwing out such casual remarks as that.  I don't find it offensive to hear it called stupid or disgusting, as childbirth and motherhood really is not everyone's cup of tea.  I read a statement like that and just think it could be worded better, especially if someone is trying to get their point across in how they may not think motherhood is the right choice for them.  I certainly won't categorize the thinking of a younger group of women, especially when they have so many years to allow life's experiences to soften their thinking, round out their views, and learn how to listen to what they may not understand.  And wouldn't it be wonderful, if we older women, with our years under our belts, took the time to try to understand, or at least be open to HEARING, if not agreeing?  Each day on this earth is an opportunity to share ourselves, grow, change, and enjoy the flexibility of being human beings with independent thoughts.

"While many feminists choose not to be mothers themselves, are they not contracting the definition of feminism ( Belief in or advocacy of women's social, political, and economic rights, especially with regard to equality of the sexes) when they call other women "breeders" and look down upon their choice to procreate? "

CRINGE #4

First of all, I simply can not believe that MANY feminists choose not to be mothers.  Do women, without any other label, choose to not be mothers?  Yes.  But unless there is a check box for "feminist" on your tax return, I just can't jump to that conclusion.  I'm sure some who call themselves feminist are not mothers.  Many?  Again, assumptions.  And where are these women throwing out names like "breeders"?  I have never, in my life, heard that word uttered out loud.  Have I seen it in print on the Internet?  Definitely, usually on sites catering to the mommy wars.  And there's really nothing productive in women arguing over who is mothering, or not mothering best.  These sites, blogs, and opinion pieces do nothing but create division and insecurity, when as women, we owe it to ourselves to support and lift up one another.  I have no use for them, and find them to be an incredible waste of time better spent in looking for positive and supportive pieces.  If I were to see words like "breeder" being thrown around, I certainly would not be able to take it seriously, as this type of vocabulary is only used to incite a strong negative response.  It is simply not worth engaging.

And if someone wants to look down upon a woman's choice to procreate?  Have at it.  It really has no bearing on a woman's womb.  There will always be people who don't agree with our choices.  Who cares?  My choices are mine, and I can gladly say I'm at a point in my life when even the strongest opinions or negative comments don't make me feel like my lifestyle is attacked.    I don't feel the need to defend or explain anything, especially when reading something on the Internet that has no effect on my own personal life.  Hell, I won't even ask for fairness or equality in thinking...if someone wants to turn their nose up at my own life because it does not match their own, all I can muster is a shrug and an "oh well".  It may make them a walking contradiction, but that's ok, my womb is still intact and I'm free to do with it as I please. 

"We are living in an age that is anti-child." 

CRINGE #5

No.  We are not.  We are living in an age when opinions reach across the globe, instead of just next door.  If I want to read about homosexuals being pedophiles, an absolutely RIDICULOUS and ABSURD claim, I only need to type in a word search on Google.  Does that mean it's true?  Does it make it fact?  Does it make it the universal thought of society?  Absolutely, unequivocally, NO.  The negative opinions of the world are the loudest, but that doesn't mean they are the most accurate.  

Now, all that being said, I completely understand where this blog is coming from.  It's the ever-so-popular mommy wars, rooted in that choice of whether or not to become a mom.  But, whatever our choices, opinions, or thoughts on the matter, we are first and foremost human beings sharing the same world.  We need to know how to express our thoughts as our own, without lumping others into categories, slapping labels on them, or tying them up into a box.  We need to stop making assumptions about each other, and by all means, refrain from dividing each other just because we don't live, eat, breathe, and think the same.  We will always encounter negative thinking about how life should be lived.  But if we can refrain from engaging these negative thoughts, we can help stop perpetuating it.